Thursday, November 22, 2007

Mini Balls & Baby's Shoes

i walked in through the door. the place was swarmed with armed police officers. i took out my badge and walk past each one of them. they were looking at me. i didn't look back but i can feel them glaring their dreamy eyes at me.

i walk into the crime scene. the forensic guys were just finishing their jobs. one of them is still snapping pictures around the house, trying to search for what might be evidence to what might have happened here.

then there she was, Sarah, walking towards me. she doesn't look too pleased but she's the most beautiful thing ever walk on this land.

"You're late again!", she blasted. "Have you been drinking again?"

It started off with just a glass, my addiction that is. I was alcohol intolerant just 2 years back, and now everyone knows i can't live without it. it all started after that incident. it was too painful to stay awake. it's too painful to be sober all the time.

i took out my rum container and took another sip. looking back at Sarah, i gave her a small smile of satisfaction. i know she care about me.

"You know that's going to kill you someday if you keep drinking like that!"

and i took on another sip. she looked really pissed with me. she turned around and walk into the other area of the apartment. the dining hall. that's where it all happened.

there was blood almost everywhere. the knife used to kill the victim, they found it stabbed into the left eye socket. he was found with multiple wounds on his naked body. he was tied on both his hands and feet at the wrist and ankle. the victim is a 45 years old high school teacher. the victim is someone i know. the victim is Tim. Or what used to be Tim.

Tim was the reason Cindy died 2 years back. She was cheating on me with him. i was too caught up with my detective job, chasing the guilty helping the innocent. i was trying to be as just as possible. that was the reason i joined the force in the first place. that was the reason my relationship with Cindy turned to the wrong way. Cindy was my wife.

Tim was teaching in the same school Cindy did. he was always trying to help. he looked very sincere all the time. when Cindy needed me and i wasn't there for her, she turned to Tim instead. i trusted him because he's the most decent guy i've ever known despite only knowing him for a few months.

i was on my way home from work as usual, just that one day earlier than when i was suppose to be back. i bought Cindy some lily. she loved lily very much. i bought her black chocolate. she loved those. i was planning to give her a surprise. i was feeling guilty for not being around for her . i was trying to make it up for her.

and i caught them fucking on my bed.

i stoned. i turned away and walked out the house. i went back to the station to work. one day later, i went back home. i was telling myself what i saw one day back didn't happen. i told myself to forget what i saw.

i walk into my house, called for Cindy but no reply. i went upstairs to our bedroom. and i found her there. tied to the bed. her mouth gagged. she was naked. she was dead. she was strangled.

and that killed me two years back. i started my own investigation into the matter after the guys didn't manage to find anything suspicious. they conclude it as break-in robbery and rape-cum-murder case. they rule out any foul play involved.

but i know Tim have got something to do with this. deep down inside i'm sure Tim knows something. but he denied everything. and there wasn't enough evidence to even suspect him. all except for what i saw. i soon reached a dead end.

today, with me standing over his dead body, i felt almost nothing. i hated this man for taking away my Cindy. i hated this man for what happened to Cindy. but all i feel now is......i don't feel anything at all.

"Looks like the killer torture this guy a lot before actually killing him.", Sarah pointed to his fingers, toes, ears, his chest and his crotch.

both his ears were missing. his finger and toe nails were all removed. and his testicles was the only thing hanging from his crotch. his chest suffers multiple stab wound. not deep enough to reach his heart, but definitely deep enough to cause him tremendous amount of pain.

one weird thing was, he was shaved clean. eye brows. hair. arm-pit. pubic area.

"Lance, look."

Sarah was standing outside the bathroom. she was pointing to the mirror inside. looks like the killer left us some clue.

it was written: Hello Lance. Love, Cindy.


**To be continue**





ChiM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Hormone Imbalance?

If hormones are to blame when you have emotional distress, then i'm having some hormone imbalance issue right now.

i was alright a moment before, and there it was. The wave of low self esteem came rushing to me again. i hate it when this happens. i can't think straight. i can't decide right. i think of all sorts of nonsense. question everything that i've decided. question myself.

in short, self-doubt and doubting others.

And i can't sleep.

Who should i blame to feel like this? i know i can't talk to anyone at this time, because i know i'll just reject whatever suggestions that anyone might give. i'll even question how are they to tell me how should i feel.

i'm just not me when i'm hit with the wave, and i hate it.

fuck it. can't the damn feeling just fucking leave me alone!

i yawn and my head hurts. And i can't sleep.

i'm sorry. This is rude. You're not suppose to read this but it's my blog and i can post whatever i want to. Isn't it? Just don mind me. I'm sorry.

And so, after giving all out. It seems like it's still not enough. And so the problem is actually with me. I'm just like another selfish jerk-off ass-hole after all.

Head hurts.

I really don't know what should i feel just now. Should i be disappointed? Should i be angry?

i don't blame you. i blame that son of a bitch though. And i say this when i'm rational too, though it still don't dictate that i have the right to insult someone like that. i just hope he will get what he deserved. Someone ass-rape him maybe. Just joking. Not funny.

i'll go pretend to sleep. Maybe it'll pass. I'll be like how i am every other day when i wake up in the morning. But how do i actually wake up when i'm only pretending to sleep?



ChiM

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Cough Cough Cough

*Ahem* *Ahem*

Need to clear my throat before start talking. I'm coughing my lungs out again. This had been happening quite a lot recently, these few months. i wonder if it's because i do not get enough rest or is it because the air is bad or is it simply because i didn't drink enough water.

Too many reasons why i could be sick, but anyway, the bottom-line is i'm coughing my lungs out, metaphorically speaking.

Hope i get well soon. It's rather irritating to cough before speaking every sentence. And i'm sick over the weekends. How fun is that?

Well, i just got back from a trip to Penang, no not on interview rally. Just simply a relaxing trip to the island just to walk around for food & stuffs.

And been sick ever since.

No pictures to upload though. Didn't really snap much cause we're too busy eating, and walking around.

And i got nothing to complain about so far.

Hope i get well soon and hope the sick bug can't find you.


ChiM